Day 12-14: In the light of an L

When your not use to it, a loss can tell a man alot about himself. There is so much invested in collegiate sports; the physical portion of the body, the mental aspect in the time managment between your life and your sport, and in my opinion the most effected, the emotional realm. In the game of college football emotion is everything. A well mannered and calm offense can easily march down a field, while a relentless fast twitched defense can take it away from the opposition. But the most interesting thing that can dives into the true character of a man happens after both of which have displayed all they can, having been drained in all three aspects of the game and still come up short. The fact of the game is this, through any athletes career they are promised two things;one, that they will face adversity at some point throughout their journey, And two, that at some point on one fall day you are gonna loose.
Last year when we lost to Nevada, the fans rushing the field and our dreams of granduer falling by the wayside, I sunk into myself. I felt like everyday that I worked for, every gaser I ran, the workouts, every deck I sprinted up, and those hot grinding days in the summer, the other 364 days that I busted my ass where all for not because we weren't "perfect". I was ruined because we had one talley in the loss collumn. We taxied in and the somber voice of the pilot reflected our monotone drab of the city. I remember being an unpredictable mixture of anger and self-dissapointment. It wasn't untill we played the next game that I snapped out of the self defeated funk that was me for that week. On the first play I was in I hit the O-lineman head to head, shot my hands to take hold of his pads, extended and saw the quaterback t6ake off away from me. I ripped off of the no name lineman andtore after the man with the ball. Breathing heavy, but with a purpose and willing my legs to move just a step faster so I could layout and bring him down before he could get the pass off. I was moving in what felt like slow motion, then the next thing I knew the ball was out and one of my teammates took him down. I cant remember who it was that smacked the QB, but I do remember the smile. The way we both laughed at being "almost" there, slapped eachothers helmets and headed back to the line of scrimmage. That game felt amazing simply because I realized that it wasn't all over. That I still had time with these guys, with this team, doing the thing that I love.
The thing about a college football team is that each year it changes. You lose guys to graduation and the NFL, moving on and finding what next years team needs to be at its best. But that team also can never be recreated it's always different. We thought as the seniors of this class, that we would be the exact same as we were last year without a couple of guys; that wasn't the case. I love this team as I have the past four years that I have been apart of the program, but I am finally able to say that, after a tough fought game with TCU, that I am more of a man than I was back then. I know that it takes both wins and losses to be a true champion. You have to knopw how that loss felt, take the personal resposibility for it, and understand that just one win or loss doesn't define a season. I am lucky enough to have realized this when it came to me, so that i can truely enjoy these last couple of games with these guys and finnish off a great year. ---

***

...and then there was poetry.

Flat Tires
I push
and push
'till my lungs
                  burn to cinders
Each block
moves slower than the last.

But I
       have
to
get to you

I can't loose
you
again.

Pounding uncured pavement
to get there.

legs go
          numb
but still, I push

sweat goes in my eyes
I dont need to see.

I know where I'm going

pushing
and pushing
again


Trophy Hunter

I never liked the taste of blood,
Till you cam around
I look for tracks in the mud
Stay quiet for the sound
the may love me and the sheets were under
but I have no heart left,
I'm just a trophy hunter.

I leave them alive
taking arms and legs.
Girls walking the streets
with plastic and pegs
I can't consume, for them, I'm not hungry
I'm stealing parts for you
so when you see, you remember me


Sandpaper Tongues

Its funny to see
A Bar when hurding cattle.
Isolated bulls are the best of themselves;
Docile, stoic, at times playfull.
Introduce a cow,
Watch the hormones
Turn on a fragile brotherhood.
Feet get stomped,
Chests hold air,
pools of saliva scatter the ground
stewing with the mud.